Google was my friend
“Google is your friend” is a phrase that any older millennial like me will recognise. When Google was the cool new thing that it felt like only you knew about, it was a common refrain when a topic came up in the pub that descended into a debate, or if someone at work asked a question whose answer would surely be found at the top of a simple search query. (Yes, back then we used to talk about random things and even casually debate them in person – a great way to decide what you think about something or have your mind changed – a far cry from today’s online-first world).
Google is no longer my friend. I’ve had 3 Google accounts since Gmail first launched in April 2004. The first one in 2004, and then for some reason, 23-year-old me decided to ditch this one in 2008 because I wanted a different email address and create my second Google account. It was this that would be my primary email account for many years afterwards, although I later switched to Fastmail.
Despite not really using it, I still kept the 2008 account, and although I didn’t log into it for years on end, I did manage to remember my password and log into it earlier this year, even connecting Apple Mail to it on my Mac to more easily search my email archive and setting up a new secure password and a passkey.
So I was surprised when I tried to log in a couple of weeks back and was told that the account had been suspended. The reasons listed ranged from downright trivial (Google’s policies – OK, whatever) to extremely serious – hacking and child abuse.
There was an option to submit an appeal, and so I did. I explained that I had no idea what the problem was and I just wanted to find an old email. The appeal was rejected within a few hours, but it did tell me that the reason for the appeal being rejected was “Our review found that your account was created or used with multiple other accounts to violate Google’s policies. It appears the account might have been created by a computer program or bot.”
I was almost certain Google were not paying human beings to do these reviews, and so at this point I’ve likely found myself in the position of having to try and prove I’m not an AI bot to an AI bot itself. This is ridiculous! The account is 18 years old, and at one point, during my days as an Android user, it would have had a credit card associated with it for buying apps from Google Play.
I decided to submit another appeal. This time, rather than a few lines, I wrote a more detailed 174-word appeal and again made sure not to use any AI assistance at all. I provided my phone number, my website, and told them they could do a Whois on my domain and see it’s been active for 24 years. I pointed out that the Google account in question was 18 years old. Why only now are they suggesting it was created by a bot? Within a few hours, this appeal was again denied.
Google explicitly allows multiple accounts. I have never (knowingly) violated any Google policies. The bottom line is Google can’t tell if you are human or not. A slight silver lining is that I can export my data using Google Takeout, but honestly, the fact that Google are so poor at this would make me think twice about relying on Google for anything serious.
So it turns out Google never was my friend, and probably isn’t yours either.